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In God’s Perfect Timing

May 24, 2010

I’m exhausted. Sebastian Alexander went topsy-turvy and exchanged night for day and didn’t allow me to sleep a wink all night. It’s hot, and I’m sweaty, sore from nursing, and I stink of stale breastmilk. My hair has not been combed and I’m wearing stained clothes from lactating. My vain self is crying. Not the best days for camwhoring.

I am a mere shadow of my former self. That realization jarringly came to me on our first day home from the hospital and was something I had to deal with lots of tears and coming to terms. Unknown to a lot of people, there was a time when I didn’t want kids. My reason being, that I thought I was too selfish and self-indulgent to want a child. I know now that there is a part of me that is too selfish and self-indulgent and I had to say goodbye to that when I delivered Basti.

I don’t have any regrets. In fact, I’m very thankful that I had my child now. Some people have expressed their shock that I chose to have a child so late in life (exagg though, I’m only 35. Again, “may edad” na naman ang mga taong ito). I’m glad though that Basti came now instead of earlier.

For those who don’t know me, this was what I used to do:

I would cartwheel around the world.

Hike lengths to see Mt. Everest up close.

Drag a backpack through Tibet.

Play with children all day long as a career.

These days, only one child matters.

I have no regrets, but I do miss one thing the most.

I miss being a wife to my husband. It seems like my whole life revolves around being a mother. He understands, of course. Even though we’re together all day in the house, I miss Orley so much. I can’t wait till we can go out on a date again.

For some people, having a child at 35 is a bit too late. For me, it’s the perfect time. I lived my single life to the hilt and there was no better time to settle down than when Orley and I got married.

I believe I will get some semblance of my old life back. I believe I will look the way I used to again. And I believe the real me, not this tired, messy woman with mom-hair, is still inside somewhere.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. July 9, 2010 1:27 pm

    Oh, Eli! I miss being a wife, too, and the baby isn’t even here yet! A friend of mine told me that our family must always be spouse-focused. The children will feel more secure when they see that they are loved but not the center of the parents’ universe. The children have to see their parents love each other and that the kids are an extension of that love.

    But now all the hubby and I talk about is the baby. We forget to ask each other, “How are YOU? How was your day?” =(

    I read somewhere that the greatest thing a man can do for his children is to love their mother. And I guess it goes for us mommies, too! So I think it’s great that you still value your marriage (a lot of women who become moms begin treating their husbands like crap–i.e. Kris Aquino) and that makes me believe little Basti is going to grow up to be a fine young man who’ll be a great husband one day!

    • Eliza permalink
      July 9, 2010 2:18 pm

      Aw, Fran, I’m so glad to have others mirror my feelings. You know, I tried to keep the my-spouse-first attitude in the first few weeks, but it was close to impossible! The little one is so helpless and needed me all the time.

      I’m happy to report though, that 2 months later (meaning NOW), being a full-time wife is now hand-in-hand with being a full-time mom. It really does get easier each day!

      I wish for you a great time being a full-time mom, a full-time wife AND a full-time magazine editor! Go lang ng go! Can’t wait to hear all about your future baby adventures! Malapit na!

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