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Going Retro: Yaya Remy and Other Childhood Horror Stories

September 7, 2011

This is a repost from my old Multiply blog. Originally posted on Feb. 9, 2008. Wait, that’s my birthday.

I just wanted to share, that’s all.

 

Yaya Remy came to us when Yapi was four years old. She was primarily assigned to take care of Yapi, and like all children of a certain age, Yapi took to her like the proverbial moth to a flame. You may even say that Yaya Remy was one of the most influential people in Yapi’s early childhood development. Hence. If you know my sister, that statement could be very significant to understanding her.

Yaya Remy was heavily into showbiz and she poured all her frustrations on the two girls. An avid Eat Bulaga fan, she once entered Yapi into Little Miss Philippines lip-synching “Somewhere Out There” (yes, beneath the pale moon light). Yes. Yapi the Goth was once a candidate for Little Miss Philippines. I’m sure there are less horrifying things in the world.

As for me, she milked my Menudo fanaticism dry. She convinced my parents that she had to be my chaperone to all the Menudo concerts I attended (first row in CCP and Araneta ha) even if my actual parents came along with me. She played my Menudo cassettes more often than I did and helped me figure out and memorize all the dance steps to their songs. She even wrote out and mailed 500 entries to the “Win a Date with Menudo” contest and cried real tears when we didn’t win.

We tolerated it. She was fun. She wore a black bra and panty under her white yaya uniform, became “M.U.” with my skating coach, wore a bikini when we would go on our family outing swimming trips, did the “Hukilau” hula dance for our company’s Christmas party and posed for pictures in her underwear on our balcony, but hey – she took pretty good care of us. She was nurturing and protective and if she was a little nympho, then that’s her one flaw.

She was also dramatic. Disciplining children for her went beyond the garden variety “ibebenta kita sa intsik/bumbay/-insert archaic stereotype here-” and “kukunin ka ng mamang pulis” threats. She took it to a whole different level.

Yaya Remy would tell Yapi, “Kung hindi mo ko susundin, tatawagin ko ang demonyong kambal ko at isusumbong kita.” She would then leave the room.

After a while, she would enter the room again, hair all unkempt, and with the evil eye would look at Yapi and say in an aswangin voice, “Ikaw ba si Piaaaaaa??? Akooooo… ako ang demonyong kambal ni Yaya Remyyyyyyyyy.”

Kaya mo yon.

And that story won Yapi a prize in RJ Ledesma’s contest for his upcoming book, “Lies My Yaya Should Have Told Me.” I don’t think there’s any way she wouldn’t win.

So Yaya Remy, thanks for the memories. And I’m sorry your dreams of hooking me up with the guy who lived across the street when I was 10 years old didn’t push through. Believe me, not even your grand plan of making us the godparents of your first child could’ve made that relationship happen.

My Yaya Remy by Yapi

 

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13 Comments leave one →
  1. September 7, 2011 8:05 pm

    panalo, i love this story! yaya remy rocks!

  2. September 7, 2011 9:16 pm

    Yaya Remy Rocks!

    • Eliza permalink
      September 8, 2011 11:46 pm

      For all the konsumisyon, at least she makes for good anecdotes.

  3. September 8, 2011 1:53 pm

    Yaya Remy shokot ako!! haha 😀

    • Eliza permalink
      September 8, 2011 11:41 pm

      She was way ahead of the Zombadings!

  4. September 8, 2011 5:22 pm

    I love this story of Yaya Remy! Haha!

  5. September 8, 2011 9:34 pm

    Oh, God, this is hilarious. I love Yaya Remy, hahaha!

  6. September 8, 2011 10:06 pm

    so how long tumagal si yaya? horror pala ito! :)))

    • Eliza permalink
      September 8, 2011 11:38 pm

      Taon din! 3-4 years I think.

  7. September 12, 2011 6:55 pm

    Oh my God. This is the most hilarious thing I have ever read in a long time!! Somehow, I understand why you are the way you are and maybe why Yapi turned goth from an LMP contestant!!

    • Eliza permalink
      September 12, 2011 6:59 pm

      Hindi ko alam kung matutuwa ako sa yo or sasakalin kita. Hahaha!

  8. September 13, 2011 1:39 pm

    HAHA ah yes, yaya Remy. we loved Yapi’s yaya stories over lunch at the office, they were almost too…good/horrific/funny ? … to be true! LOL

    • Eliza permalink
      September 14, 2011 6:05 am

      If only Facebook existed then she probably would have her own fanpage. With the underwear photos on the terrace.

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